oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
