I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
