you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
MIDGETS
????
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
