Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Randomize
