Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
