I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She's the barista slut.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
