I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
