I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
