matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
