so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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