you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
