I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
