Umm I'm too high to move.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
