In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
