I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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