Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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