youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
