i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize