i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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