We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
