so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize