What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
