I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize