and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
