mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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