guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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