he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
