Welp...herpes.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
