Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
