i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
