I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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