I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
