U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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