Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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