Having a random hookup so left but love u
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize