I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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