im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
