I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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