We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
