You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
