I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
