Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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