Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
