Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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