In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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