Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
