dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
