My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
