I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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