doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
