It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
