watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
