Old men and throwing up are my life now.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
