It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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