Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
