i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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