Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
