So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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