I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
