she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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