i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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