I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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