even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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