so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
