Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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