this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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