Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
